Is this what everyone calls an existential crisis?

It’s the first day of my 7-day break from work, and I’m already feeling the mental exhaustion lift—though I will try my best to not make this post about my toxic relationship with work.

This week, I’ll be sharing bits of life and seeing if it helps me feel any better.

To kick things off, I’m heading out tonight to see a meteor shower in the desert with the love of my life. Before that, I need to fit in a manicure, a gym session, some floor mopping, and a "girl shower."

Lately, I’ve been reflecting on leaving home and the town where I grew up. As a kid, I questioned why some people never left, thinking it limited growth and opportunities.

Now, as an adult, the weight of distance and the decisions grows heavier as time passes.

Somedays, it is so heavy, it kills you. There are moments when I avoid looking at photos and my gallery altogether because they remind me of home, and I question if it’s all worth it. Why does no one talk about moving past a life you’ve lived and loved? Why does not anyone talk about the heaviness you feel for everyone you love back home?

Also, I cherish my life here. Away from home.

So I am at war with myself and I try to keep my diplomacy intact most of the time. Can we ever be content, or is it not how human brains function?

For everyone who carries this void in their heart have journeyed far and I think there is still a long way to go.

Maybe life is all about learning to live. With love or without.

Could it be that these scars in our memory are evidence of our existence?

And maybe one day, we will get all the answers, even to all the questions we never asked.

So here I am, on the first day of my annual leave, sipping coffee and wondering if this is what people call an existential crisis.