The Fallen Leaf

Am I making a difference? A speck of human existence amidst the vast sea of creation. What actually defines me? Ignore the selfishness of the essay. It‘s about me. But is not everything else just about us?

Why are there more questions than statements when we want to describe ourselves? We all are personalities wrapped around with doubts and fear and questions and insecurities. Incapabilities of achieving things we want to. Dreams that seem too far, begging us to reach out.

I have a watch with a brown leather strap. It was the result of my third semester that made my parents made me go with them and they bought it for me. Unlike my opinion, papa preferred the black dial better than white. Parents have an opinion about everything and anything. Well, my watch has a black one of course. The watch is real. Unlike reality. It’s so real that it is consistent. Contradictory to change. Ironically, it changes every moment. Ticking every second.

The scorching sun’s rays fall directly on the golden dial on my 20 min walk to the workplace. Sometimes the leather seems uncomfortable and sticking with the sweat that lines against the strap of my wrist. But the gold reflects back. Bright and hopeful.

No matter how the time is, the watch reminds me of only a steady emotion. Love. The support in even the little decisions like the color of the dial. So when times are tough or when it gets tougher, the black dial reminds me of love. For me the color of love is black. The darkest places do make you feel the strongest. Sometimes at least. It is the dark that makes us appreciate the light after all isn’t it?

I wear it in my left hand. On my wrist, on the nerve that connects my heart. Strangely, the needles have aligned with the beats of my heart or maybe vice versa. But they are not aligned with the sun. Never showing the right time. Never on the place, they are supposed to be but they never stop. They keep going just like me. The change of time is subtly portrayed by the changing brown color of the leather strap. Shades of brown. Shades of brown that I never knew existed. I saw one of the shades a few days back while I was traveling in the metro. The brown stared me back. Then looked away. It was surreal but it reflected the core of reality. The other day I saw a shade in a leaf. It was fallen and torn. It was lifeless but it portrayed every life ever lived. So I would say that that brown is also my color. So I know that black and brown are my colors. Somethings I know about myself.

Maybe little things do make a difference. And maybe they are important. And maybe I am one of those little things. Maybe, I am also a fallen leaf reminding someone somewhere about life. A speck of human existence in the vast seas of creation.